Iron Dean

Dean and Alex at Dean's first Ironman. Alex is on a mission and I'm praying just as much for him as I am Dean because I can't imagine how hard this must be for him. Luckily he is the happiest, most positive missionary ever so I think he is doing good.

 I found this one and it made me laugh because Payton and Miles look so similar and Pay was a little bum that whole trip but Dean was always getting her to giggle...or cry. :)

 At his first Ironman. 

So as an inlaw I feel kinda sheepish doing a complete pour-my-heart-out post. But I don't care, I've cried about 50 times today...you would think I'm pregnant. Don't get your hopes up Miles is 6 months!

But I can't stop thinking about Dean. Today I keep thinking about how hard this must be for HIM. We've all talked about how we feel but how is Dean doing?

He is recovering so well from surgery, I am honestly amazed at all the progress he has made. I can't believe that he is doing this well considering the type of surgery he had. However, that doesn't mean that he is back to being 100%.

It is still hard for him to string together sentences or phrases. He can communicate great, but just not too much. If I were him I would feel a little helpless...how can he communicate all the confusion he may have at times. How hard is it to form the words to say how much he loves us all (even though we know because his smiles, kisses and hugs say it all). How does he discuss all the worries and the faith, happiness and peace he might feel with his companion without becoming exhausted?  We can all talk... and talk.... and talk some more to help us through this but it is so hard for Dean how can we help him? 

Now I am totally making up all these questions, maybe Dean isn't even thinking these thoughts. Maybe he is very much at peace and just happy to see us loving him a ton and giving him foot rubs and food :) Plus Dean isn't one for chit chat so maybe he is great without having to say to much... :)

But right now the prayer in my heart isn't really for our family it's for him. I hope he is knows that even though it is exhausting to have all these conversations with us we are grateful for them and happy for every little bit of Dean we get. I'm so grateful for how well he is doing.

Maybe I'm also a little bummed because tomorrow is the appointment with the radiation/oncology doctor. Where they will lay out more of his treatment plan. This is where it also gets tough because I have so much faith in the Doctors abilities but I don't want to have too much faith in all the "numbers" and statistics they give us. I'm not saying I want to be naive or unrealistic, but at some point we have to push those aside and remember that our Heavenly Father knows all. He can see tomorrow when we can't. I need to trust in our Father in Heaven before I hang on every scenario a doctor gives me.

I just keep thinking about the scripture Jeff told me as they took the sacrament in the hospital the Sunday after the surgery. I'm actually not sure if this was the exact scripture but after studying the scriptures today I like this one the most and its similar to what Jeff told me.

"In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me" -Psalms 56:4

So now I'm going to stop crying, and letting my thoughts worry too much and just trust in Heavenly Father...and I'll go hug my kids.