It has been one week since Dean's surgery and I think everyone has had a chance to "blog" about how they feel but Dillon. I thought it would be a good idea for him to have a chance to express his feelings also. This experience has rocked his world from top to bottom. He has had A LOT to digest and wrap his mind around. This is not what you expect to happen to your parent when you are twelve years old. It is scary to see the person who cares for you and whom you love so much looking so helpless. Dillon has spent a lot of time sitting next to Dean just holding his hand and even though he seems to be handling the situation well, on the inside he is scared and worried and wondering what has happened to his life.
The day we got Dean's pathology and diagnosis, Dillon and I sat on his bed, with our backs against his pillow and talked about what the Doctors had said about dad. He wanted to know if Heavenly Father was mad at our family and that was why dad had cancer. He asked if we would have to move if dad died. He wondered if he would always remember what dad looked like. He said, it's not fair. Just typing this breaks my heart. I know Dillon is scared and worried, but I have seen the spirit calm him and he has been able to let go of his fears quickly, which I know is a gift from Heavenly Father. I told Dillon to look for the blessings that we are receiving and to ask his Father in Heaven to help him whenever he feels scared. He is being asked to forge his faith and trust in the Lord at an early age and in a pretty fiery furnace. I hope we can help him learn that the Lord can be trusted, even when we can't see the outcome of something or know how it could work to our good. The Lord sees the big picture and wants nothing but our happiness and that we return to him, having learned how to be like him. I want Dillon to know that Heavenly Father won't ask us to do something hard without helping us do it. He gives us a test but he also supplies the answers so that we won't fail. If we just keep our hand in the Lord's and trust him completely we will find a way through this.
As I write this, I just feel so grateful for the way the Lord has orchestrated all that has happened. His hand was directing and preparing us long before we found out Dean had a brain tumor. Things were put in place that have helped us cope and manage better. Little things that seemed insignificant at the time, now have become blessings to be thankful for. Our Father in Heaven's hand is evident everywhere I look. How could I not be grateful? I told the kids that if we looked above our house we would see a HUGE cloud hovering over it...a cloud of love and faith and prayers raining down on us continuously. We are being drenched with the power of those combined faith and prayers and are aware of the strength we are receiving from them. Our lives will be changed for the better because we are being asked to do this. I do feel that there is "hope smiling brightly before us...".
Hey it's Dillon. I was just thinking that I need to write on the blog so..... These past few days it has been really tough for me especially. I have cried almost every day and I have been staying up all night because I just can't keep my mind off dad. It is scary but I know he is being blessed. I am glad I am so blessed to have a wonderful family like this. For an example, when I was crying in the bathroom, Greg my big brother, came in and we had a talk. He said it's hard for all of us and we just need to stick together so we can all get through this. When my dad gets better I want to be able to go fishing with him and rent a boat to go fishing I LOVE MY DAD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. I am glad we have so much support from lots of people. We can feel all the prayers.