Sunday, July 22, 2012

Conversation with Dillon

It has been one week since Dean's surgery and I think everyone has had a chance to "blog" about how they feel but Dillon.  I thought it would be a good idea for him to have a chance to express his feelings also.  This experience has rocked his world from top to bottom.  He has had A LOT to digest and wrap his mind around.  This is not what you expect to happen to your parent when you are twelve  years old.  It is scary to see the person who cares for you and whom you love so much looking so helpless.  Dillon has spent a lot of time sitting next to Dean just holding his hand and even though he seems to be handling the situation well, on the inside he is scared and worried and wondering what has happened to his life.

The day we got  Dean's pathology and diagnosis, Dillon and I sat on his bed, with our backs against his pillow and talked about what the Doctors had said about dad.  He wanted to know if Heavenly Father was mad at our family and that was why dad had cancer.  He asked if we would have to move if dad died.  He wondered if he would always remember what dad looked like.  He said, it's not fair.  Just typing this breaks my heart.  I know Dillon is scared and worried, but I have seen the spirit calm him  and he has been able to let go of his fears quickly, which I know is a gift from Heavenly Father.  I told Dillon to look for the blessings that we are receiving and to ask his Father in Heaven to help him whenever he feels scared.   He is being asked to forge his faith and trust in the Lord at an early age and in a pretty fiery furnace.  I hope we can help him learn that the Lord can be trusted, even when we can't see the outcome of something or know how it could work to our good.  The Lord sees the big picture and wants nothing but our happiness and that we return to him, having learned how to be like him.  I want Dillon to know that  Heavenly Father won't ask us to do something hard without helping us do it.  He gives us a test but he also supplies the answers so that we won't fail. If we just keep our hand in the Lord's and  trust him completely we will find a way through this.

As I write this, I just feel so grateful for the way the Lord has orchestrated all that has happened.  His hand was directing and preparing us long before we found out Dean had a brain tumor.  Things were put in place that have helped us cope and manage better.  Little things that seemed insignificant at the time, now have become blessings to be thankful for.  Our Father in Heaven's hand is evident everywhere I look.  How could I not be grateful?  I told the kids that if we looked above our house we would see a HUGE cloud hovering over it...a cloud of love and faith and prayers raining down on us continuously.  We are being drenched with the power of those combined faith and prayers and are aware of the strength we are receiving from them.  Our lives will be changed for the better because we are being asked to do this.  I do feel that there is "hope  smiling brightly before us...". 

Hey it's Dillon. I was just thinking that I need to write on the blog so..... These past few days it has been really tough for me especially.  I have cried almost every day and I have been staying up all night because I just can't keep my mind off dad. It is scary but I know he is being blessed.   I am glad I am so blessed to have a wonderful family like this.  For an example, when I was crying in the bathroom,  Greg my big brother, came in and we had a talk.  He said it's hard for all of us and we just need to stick together so we can all get through this.  When my dad  gets better I want to be able to go fishing with him and rent a boat to go fishing I LOVE MY DAD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.  I am glad we have so much support from lots of people.  We can feel all the prayers.


Jennica said...

Dillster! I have cried a few times wondering about you and how you are doing. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. But, I DO know that you have THE BEST family, they are so strong and you all will be victorious together! I say prayers especially for you! :) Hang in there and know there are tons of people that love you!

Wendy said...

Dillion that was an awesome post !! If we all stick together, and remember what is really important, it will all just be fine. I know it ya

Alexi Bullock Design said...

Dillon, buddy, I love you so much and I'm so happy to have you as a brother in law. Your faith and testimony strengthen me!! Let's all stick together!!

Unknown said...

Strong trees grow where high winds blow. You are growing up to be a strong young man Dill! Thanks for sharing your feelings about your Dad.

Rachel said...

Looking good Dill, you are just as much an Ironman as your dad. Hang in there!

Jill said...

Dill you are awesome! What a lucky kid to have such a cool family. We love you and your dad! Lots of prayers headed your way buddy!!

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Katie said...

love ya Dill. you do have so many people that love you. all your brothers and sisters. awesome parents and pat and Michelle who would do ANYTHING for you. not to mention all your nieces and nephews who look up to you. we are all keeping you in our prayers. love ya buddy.

Anonymous said...

You are so awesome and blessed to be a Bullock. Always remember that your Heavenly Father loves you and will always be there with you in hard times and in good times too. He has blessed you with so many people that love you and your family. Come down and hang out with Skyler some time. He would like that! We love you,
Mark and Sharon

Paula said...

Hey Dillon,
You are welcome to use our boat anytime you guys are ready! We saw your Dad the other day, and he's looking great.
Thank you for your example.
You are all in our thoughts and prayers daily.
The Todd Palmer Family