Friday, July 20, 2012

Tender Mercies & Miracles

Lindsey Here from C town {short for Colorado:)} So the last few days have been pretty heavy and pretty emotional to say the least. But I have been looking back over this last week and have been reminded of all of the mercies and miracles that we have seen and recieved. I know a lot of them have been mentioned on the blog but I wanted to make a little running list, so as we look back on this experience as a family and as Dad reads it we can again see as Sean said the Divine Guidance and orchestration of our Father in Heaven.

I think the first miracle would be that Dad's tumor burst. And during an 8 mile run no less! Multiple Doctor's have commented on how amazing and lucky we were that it burst and caused the symptyms of the headache and swelling. Had it not burst it would have continued at it's rapid growing rate and eventually consumed much more of his brain. The Doctor's say it was only in there probably 3 months, and no more than 6 months. So truly a miracle we caught it when we did.

My Mom mentioned the other day how Heavenly Father was not going to let that bursting go unrecognized. That pit in the stomach feeling was given to Mom along with Whitney, Greg, and Sean all having contact and concern with Dad. Had Lexi not gotten the Martha Stewart internship last minute, Greg would not have been living at the house this summer and wouldn't have seen Dad and his funny behavior. Also, all the circumstances leading up to Sean getting his job in Provo and then him needing a sleeping bag last minute and meeting Dad for lunch. Even him talking to my Aunt Robin on the phone who noticed his strange behavior. Heavenly Father was throwing opportunities all over the place making sure that someone recognized Dad and his behavior and got him into the ER right away. He was not going to let it pass any of us by.

Another is that although he was not coherent enough to answer any of Sean's questions Dad still said the words "I think we should go somewhere closer" to Sean. And even though every instinct in Sean's mind told him 'Mom said go to SLC and Dad is acting like a crazy person', Sean listened to Dad and that listening ultimately helped us end up at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center.

It is here that we received the miracle of not 1 but 2 AMAZING able-handed, verteran, skilled, knowledgeable doctors who were able to remove the tumor in the absolute best way possible. Had Dad ended up in SLC we may have received a great neurosurgeon to complete the surgery but we would not have had the hands of Doctor Reichman who spent 10 years of his career specializing in just removing whole portions of the brain. Not bits and pieces of tumor like most neurosurgeons, but whole pieces which was needed in Dad's specific case. And they were able to do just that. Remove the entire 3 inch tumor leaving nothing behind visible to the naked eye. What a miracle it has been to work with Doctor Reichman who has had nothing but optimism and positive  things to say about Dad and his condition and his lifestyle and health, even though at times it has felt so grim.

Not just the miracle of removing the ENTIRE tumor, but the miracle that the tumor was made up of only brain cells. Meaning it did not start in another place in his body, and the chances of it moving to another part of his body and crossing the blood brain barrier are extremely slim and rare.

The miracle that the entire tumor was located in the left frontal lobe. Which they removed, but the doctors have explained that the frontal lobes are like dual hard drives. If you remove one the other will take over and compensate for what was lost. In fact Dad's right lobe had already started to take over the function of the left since the left lobe had basically been completely taken over by the tumor already.

The miracle that every doctor has said, although the news and diagnosis are bad even horrible...Dad has every possible thing he could have going in his favor right now. He is in amazing health, he has an active lifestyle, the entire tumor was removed, he is young, his personality and work ethic, his family, his faith. There are so many things that "statisitics" can't take into consideration.

Along with so many miracles we have been blessed with countless tender mercies. We have felt the love of our Father in Heaven and like my Mom said He has been holding each of our hands throughout all of this. The tender mercy of some very personal and very spiritual blessings given. Where promises have been made and things spoken that truly were inspired by God. Not just to my Dad, but to my Mom, and all of us kids. 

The tender mercy of each of our spouses. My brother's wives who have been so strong and supportive and not blinked an eye when their husbands felt the need to sleep multiple nights at the hospital. My brother-in-laws who have supported Whitney and Jordan every step of the way. My personal tender mercy of  each night as I have finished nursing Brock and climed back into bed, my usually comatose, sleep-like-a-rock husband Chris has reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled me a little closer. Sometimes I don't even know if he is awake but I think my Father in Heaven knows that I need a little extra love after being alone with my thoughts while nursing a baby at 1, 2, and 3a.m.

The tender mercy of receiving the results back from pathology after only 4 days. Doctor Reichman said he can count on one hand how many times that has happened. And we don't know why but like my Mom told Dillon, sometimes Heavenly Father just gives us little things along the way to make the path a little bit easier, and to help us know He is still with us.

I know there have been so many more and my siblings all have their own examples but for me personally I feel like my tender mercy is that 2 weeks ago before our lives exploded my Dad was at my house giving me a blessing with my husband Chris before I went into the hospital to have baby Brock. He was at my house eating astronaut surprises and steak burritos. He took us out to Freddy's and Panera and Crave. He took Dirk and Coby to their baseball game on Saturday morning. He came to the hospital with all our kiddos and met Brock. He went golfing with Chris,Greg and Dillon. We all sat on the couch and watched a Redbox together.  He gave me a big huge hug on my front porch before he left back for Utah. So, even though I am far away in Colorado with my kids who need me, I have the tender mercy and memory of 2 weekends ago hanging out with Dad/Grandpa.

Heavenly Father is in charge and he continues to show us by giving us a tender mercy in a moment we need it and miracles when we have needed them even more. And it's this knowledge that I keep gripping on to when I feel like I'm about to drown.


Jill said...

Beautiful post, I know the Lord is taking your family through this experience step by step and I'm so grateful for the example your entire family is setting. Heavenly Father has all of our lives so specially designed. I have such a testimony that the Lord sent us down to this Earth with a full disclosure, we knew we would be faced with trials and that this life was meant to teach us and let us prove ourselves. With that said, we CHOSE to come here and face those things head on because it was all worth it to us. I'm positive that teamirondean extends far beyond this side of the veil.

Alexi Bullock Design said...

Lindsey, this is truly amazing. I am so thankful that you wrote this post so we can always remember these tender mercies and never be able to forget them! It took me awhile to understand, but it truly is a huge tender mercy that I'm in NYC so Greg could be with Dean and Kris while they were in the hospital, 24/7. This is the way it was supposed to be and I absolutely see that now. And I'm so grateful that God's plan is better than mine! Who knows what I would have come up with!!

Jennica said...

Prim! That's such a great post. Great things to read and notice. So wonderful to hear that even in a bad situation, when we think we are forgotten, that's not the case at all... that really He is "making the path a little easier". What a special and wonderful testimony! Thanks for sharing. You're still in all of our prayers!! Love you TONS!

Colleen said...

I have loved reading these posts. You are all such strong examples of faith, trust, love, devotion, hope, etc. Truly you have all been raised in a home filled with the Light of Christ.
I want to add another group of miracles: Dean didn't crash on his bike and lay on the side of the road somewhere, Dean didn't collapse on his run and lay on the road, and Dean didn't crash in his car while going on his various drives to work, to Costco, etc. It seems miraculous to me, anyway, that he was safe in all those circumstances given his compromised state.
Thanks for your examples of faith and testimony. Thanks for being our friends. You are in our every prayer and continually in our thoughts and hearts.
Colleen and Russ Peterson

Charity said...

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing all of these little miracles. No matter what the situation, it is always uplifting to hear testimony of God' great love! We sure do love the Bullock family (even if we don't see u guys that often) and I have often thought what a successful mother I would be if my family turned out like yours. You are all in our thoughts and our prayers.

grammajill said...

Thanks for sharing those very personal but touching insights into my little brother's family. We all love you!