Tuesday, July 17, 2012


The kids keep telling me that it’s my turn to Blog….am I supposed to say “Enter Mom”????  How do you start on something like this???  I have plenty of thoughts running around in my head, it’s just a matter of sorting them out and trying to put them down in a way that will make some sense to anyone else but me!!
      It is still hard to think that what is happening is real.  I never imagined myself having to hear the words substantial, aggressive, brain tumor and malignant all strung together to describe the condition of my rock of a husband, my love, Dean. We have all said that the hardest part of the day is waking up in the morning and realizing that it was NOT a dream.  You sort of have to grab yourself by the shoulders and give yourself a big shake, tell yourself that Heavenly Father is with you, say a prayer and then get doing something to make the day a good one.   Once I am up and doing, then things seem better and the hard things seem doable.  That is a blessing!!
     I know it sounds hard to believe, but I am fine.  I am as surprised as anyone by that statement…because by nature I am a worrier.  If there is something or someone that needs a little worrying over, then I’m your girl.  If there isn’t anything that needs a little worry time, then I worry that I’m not worrying.  I think you get the picture.  So to be able to say I feel fine and really mean it, is nothing short of a miracle.  Of course, I am scared of what is happening and of all the unknowns…scared of what lies ahead, but I feel confident that I won’t have to do it alone.   I have felt my Father in Heaven take hold of my hand and allow me to feel of his love and strength.  He has held the fear at bay and allowed me to take care of my sweet husband and children without my worry paralyzing me.   I have been blessed with the most INCREDIBLE feeling of peace and calm ever since Sean got Dean to the hospital.  The “pit in my stomach” feeling disappeared and when I feel it sneaking back up on me, I try to think of the ways we’ve been blessed and remind myself that Heavenly Father is in charge and that we are in his hands.  I take a deep breath and say another prayer and then look at my family …AHHHHH, I feel better again.
      I want my children to know I still love my life!!  I have SO much to be grateful for… I have the most INCREDIBLE children, their spouses and grandchildren that anyone could ever be blessed with, a husband who has always loved me and filled my life with fun and love and joy, a testimony of the gospel, a temple close by, beautiful mountains to look at, wonderful neighbors and friends, an amazing ward, and the list could go on and on.  Dean’s diagnosis hasn’t made me love my life any less, it will be different than what I had planned on, and things are a little uncertain right now, but I have seen my blessings seem MORE somehow.  We have been blessed with MORE faith in Heavenly Father and his will, MORE strength to face the hard things, MORE solace and comfort from the scriptures, MORE love than I have ever felt in my life, MORE gratitude for what I have, MORE patience, MORE calm, MORE of what ever it is I need.  MORE.  I stand all amazed. 
     This is the time for our family to dig deep and show our Father in Heaven that our faith in him is not just lip service, but it is a part of who we are.. A time to serve our dad and husband like he has served us…A time to love each other more.  We will make it through this with our arms around one another and our hand in the Lord’s…I KNOW we will.
Exit Mom.


Alexi Bullock Design said...

Wow. Kris, I am speechless and in awe of your beautiful testimony in our Heavenly Father's plan. Thank you so much for sharing and bringing peace into my life. I am overwhelmed by the extra love I have felt for you and each person in our family in the last few days. And even though I'm far away, I hope you can feel that love. Thank you so much for sharing this, and please post more. I need your faith and strength in times where I cannot find mine. Thank you so much.

leanne douglas said...

Kris, no wonder so many people (myself included) look up to and admire you. Your quiet strength, strong testimony and grace under these extremely hard circumstances are such an example to everyone. You are every bit the "rock" that Dean is. It shows in the incredible family that you have raised, the amazing marriage you have and the beautiful testimony you bear. We send our love and prayers to the whole Bullock family.

Margi said...

Wow Kris, what a beautiful way your feelings came out as you "ENTERED THE BLOG" I have had you in my prayers everyday. I know that your faith and your awesome family will be your earthly strength, and your Heavenly Father will be that Heavenly Power that carries you and through this. Your love for Dean is bigger than this cancer and I know that he feels it. I have always loved you and Dean and your family and we will continue to send our prayers and support and hope that in some small way you can feel it. Iron Dean has a fabulous coach at his side. Love you, Margi

Jennica said...

AK you are best!! Thanks for sharing your testimony. You are definitely in my prayers. Love ya!

Brent Nielson said...


We love you and Dean. We pray many times a day for you and him. Chris is keeping us informed and up to date. Thank-you for your faith and testimony that is strengthening all of us.

Brent Nielson

Jill said...

Thanks Kris. You are so inspiring. I hope I can be like you.

Rachel said...

Not only do you give your kids and Deanie so much strength and encouragement, now you have given it to all of us :)
Thanks AK love ya!

Merrill Shumway said...

Kris, we are so grateful for your ability to stay so positive and upbeat. Kay and I have been blessed to know you, Dean and your entire family. I know from experience how important the family is in times like this. We love your updates and want you to know how much we love all of you. I cherish my time spent working with Dean in the stake.

Andrea said...

Isnt it miraculous this is whitneys friend andrea and the week my 18 month old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia i was filled with a spirit of peace and capability to just do. Do things i never dreamed i could. Beautiful testimony your children are richly blessed to have you for their mother.

Wendy said...

You are amazing Kris, so strong and faithful. We love you forever

Kelli said...

Kris, you are one amazing woman! Dean is lucky to have snagged you up, just as you were him. Such an amazing couple, one we have looked up to since the first time we met out running.

That entry had me in tears after about two sentences. Your faith is inspiring! I know Dean has the best wife and family to support him, OBVIOUS to anyone who has kept up with this little blog.

We love you guys and will continually keep you in our prayers and fasting!

Scott and Kelli